This test was designed to determine your true “party” affiliation, take a few moments to read through each question thoroughly, and “click” the appropriate response in our little survey at the end of the questionnaire, so we can ensure our results are accurate.
Question: How do you tell if you are a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southern Republican?
*One simple question, with your honest response, will reveal the true answer.*
You are walking down the street in a rundown section of town, with your wife and children, when suddenly a crazed-looking man with a large knife clutched in his hands comes wheeling around the corner. He locks eyes, raises his knife in the air and screams while charging you.
You have your concealed carry weapon, fully loaded, cocked and locked, and you are proficient in its use. With only seconds before he reaches your wife and children, WHAT DO YOU DO?
YOU MIGHT BE A DEMOCRAT IF YOU RESPOND WITH ANY OF THESE:
Well I would need more information to provide a more accurate answer.
Does he look homeless or racially, sexually or ethnically oppressed?
Have I ever offended him in any way that would cause this type of behavior?
Is there anything behind me, that prevents us from running away?
Would I have the chance to ask my wife’s opinion?
Do we have time for a family discussion?
Could I physically over-power him and wait for law enforcement?
What are the local laws regarding the discharge of a firearm?
Does my weapon have all the appropriate safeties?
Why would I be carrying a loaded gun?
Is it possible he would only hurt me, so my family could get away?
Does he want to kill me, or does he just want to hurt me?
If I were to grab him, and manage to hold on, do you think my family could get away while he was stabbing me?
Do I have a cell phone to call 911?
Why is the street deserted?
Why am I in a “rundown section of town”?
Why haven’t they had a community outreach program to “paint this into a happier, healthier section of town”?
I should probably bring this up during cocktails with the boys later.
Screw it you moron… This is too confusing a question. You are a stupid A#&*h*le, Mo&#*erF#&*ker with no comprehension of true “Peace, Love and Happiness” and this is a fictional event that would never happen anyway!
YOU MAY BE A REPUBLICAN IF THIS IS YOUR ANSWER:
YOU MAY BE A SOUTHERN REPUBLICAN WITH A 1911 IF THIS IS YOUR ANSWER:
BANG!… BANG!… BANG!… BANG! BANG! BANG!… BANG!… BANG!
YOU MAY BE A SOUTHERN REPUBLICAN WITH A GLOCK 19 IF THIS IS YOUR ANSWER:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! *RELOAD*
YOU MAY BE A REDNECK IF YOUR DAUGHTER SAYS:
“Nice shooting daddy, were those the Hornady Critical Defense rounds?”
Take a second to finish our survey, just so we can see how many of you are gun totin’ Americans.
Patrick James has worked as a firefighter/EMT for several services throughout the years, as well as a custom metal fabricator, certified personal trainer and chef.
Growing up in the rural suburbs of Detroit, it was during his frequent trips to Northern Michigan where he learned of his love for hunting and fishing. Spending several of his adult years in upstate South Carolina, his love of extreme sports took root in the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains as he learned to rock climb and kayak.
“Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and vanish into air.” ~ John Quincy Adams